hockey, faggotry, mental illness
what if i just cut my legs off my arms off my head off a black dahlia, plucked apart bleeding, drained directly from my heart
what if i just dropped dead my art is nothing special everything has been made before what if i just dropped dead? the world would keep running— my presence is only an inconvenience to myself.
i only feel happy under the influence i'm closer to dying but hey, it feels better than i usually do.
physical pain is the pain i prefer the flavor isn't bitter, isn't sour it's the type of pain that i know how to handle with some ice, some pressure, some time.
i miss you a lot under the influence you're so far away but hey, it feels better than i usually do.
can i be part of your team? i promise not to bother i'm okay with sitting on the bench
can i be part of your team? i know you can't say no i'm okay with being tolerated
if i pay half my pride, do i get to wear a jersey? do i get to pretend that i won?
if i pay with my life, do i get to love you sweetly? is it intricate enough?
can i be?
i still have a distorted memory of you. i remember we skated together. i remember you convinced me to start playing hockey. i remember you buying me ice cream. five years ago, i know things can change. but still, after four, you won't consider me? i know that sounds stuck up—three years is the max. but two me you were my number one.
i still have a distorted memory of you. i remember i asked if you were gonna go. i remember i asked if i should ask. i remember you cut me off. then at that time, i realized that this team is just pretending to love me and accept me they just wanted $400 squeezed out of me.
i wish i was still passionate so i can pretend to love life but still no words come out no words can
i was tricked into thinking nothing about me is okay but everything is okay, i swear to god it's okay
for fuck's sake, define happy i need to know what it is i want to be what it is are you?
choose a number from one to four have you felt lonely? have you felt angry? have you felt like you want to destroy yourself?
i've already tried to do whatever you're suggesting to— everything i try just comes back.
i wish i can blame you for everything i feel but i know in some ways, i walked into this everytime i see you, i tense up just a bit i wish i didn't daydream so damn much
when i see your face it's nothing i remember vaguely it's you but so full of hate
choose a number from ten to twelve that's how many hours that i've cried i hope you got what you fucking want
i wish i was still passionate so i can pretend to move on but still my feet are planted still my feet are planted
and i know you'll never love me never touch me, never kiss me i almost killed myself and you didn't blink.
you're nobody, melker your heart beats out your chest you're nobody, melker du känner dig lite hemsk
you're nobody, melker can't pronounce the town you're from you're nobody, melker men du saknar honom
you're nobody, melker 28 and counting. så många killar är så mycket bättre why even bother trying?
but i still love you, melker vi ser mycket lika ut we're nobodies, melker and soon we're back to soot.
from everywhere to anywhere it's only thirty minutes
i wish i can breathe your air if only for a minute
crying on your shoulder, i forgot that you were older you moved away, wish you were gay but i remember when i heard you say
i'm here for you, we'll see this through, it'll be over in a minute
huff huff huff my nose hurts my soul hurts my throat hurts.
i can't hear my own evidence as i yell and laugh, albeit pretending that i'm having the time of my life
huff huff huff. ears nose and throat. mucous membranes of the spirit absorbing through osmosis.
culture, loving, romance each and every passing second i want to live that, i want to dream that but wants become realities and my purpose is depleted.
huff huff huff.
there once was a fag in the bay he preferred fag rather than gay because it cuts to the chase has a clear face so watch what you fucking say
i had another dream last night that i'd forgiven you everything just felt so right nothing there was blue
i had another dream last night you smiled and you were gentle we never even had a fight the thought alone was mental
i had another dream last night that we achieved our dreams awake, our futures are still bright though we're different teams
i had another dream last night i woke up feeling blue nothing since then has felt alright and it's all because of you