x = 9

you want me to get drunker

another glass of wine, just one more

why? so i touch you? so i get more confident?

make me pull your hair? push you around?

kiss you?


your room, spotless, other than a picture of your friends

from back in örebro

right next to the little TY rat i got you for your birthday

you’re cleaning now.

are you trying to become better?

no longer a project boyfriend,

but a perfect one?


i blew smoke in your face,

you inhaled and hummed at me,


verena said that

we should’ve shotgunned the smoke

lips to lips.


i always feel like i don’t deserve you,

but everyone says says you don’t deserve me.

we don’t deserve each other,

but i do know i yearn.


you let me paint your nails...

said it was nice to be taken care of


it was nice to take care of you

smoothen out your




was that a joke

when you held up your finished nails

and said you were bisexual now?


you asked me if i liked your perfume

asked me first

and i held your wrist, gently,

up to my nose.

it was nice.

what was that? was that a move?

was it super effective?

i just hurt myself in confusion

what are we, felix?


you know what i want already.

but when i whispered—

“are you my birthday present?”

it may have been lost in translation


i just want you to touch me back

like that night

where you held me still on your lap

and poured me a glass

of your stolen wine.