headchecks

you want me to get drunker

another glass of wine, just one more

why? so i touch you? so i get more confident?

make me pull your hair? push you around?

kiss you?

...

your room, spotless, other than a picture of your friends

from back in örebro

right next to the little TY rat i got you for your birthday

you’re cleaning now.

are you trying to become better?

no longer a project boyfriend,

but a perfect one?

...

i blew smoke in your face,

you inhaled and hummed at me,

smiling.

verena said that

we should’ve shotgunned the smoke

lips to lips.

...

i always feel like i don’t deserve you,

but everyone says says you don’t deserve me.

we don’t deserve each other,

but i do know i yearn.

...

you let me paint your nails...

said it was nice to be taken care of

well,

it was nice to take care of you

smoothen out your

rough

edges

...

was that a joke

when you held up your finished nails

and said you were bisexual now?

....

you asked me if i liked your perfume

asked me first

and i held your wrist, gently,

up to my nose.

it was nice.

what was that? was that a move?

was it super effective?

i just hurt myself in confusion

what are we, felix?

...

you know what i want already.

but when i whispered—

“are you my birthday present?”

it may have been lost in translation

...

i just want you to touch me back

like that night

where you held me still on your lap

and poured me a glass

of your stolen wine.